Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
