Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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