she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
