You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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