I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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