i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
