So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
She even gives head with a lisp.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
