I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
