So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Every concussion has its silver lining
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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