woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
