Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
