she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
