I'm so fucking centered right now
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
