Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
