Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I am available for nakedness
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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