Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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