if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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