I smell stomach acid.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
