The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Randomize
