Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
