He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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