After last night, I could never be a politician.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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