Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
