pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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