Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize