Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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