I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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