It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
