That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
