if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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