Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
