dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
