make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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