oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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