I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
