Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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