Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
