So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
