I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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