sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
