"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
