i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
