I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Randomize
