I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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