i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Randomize
