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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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