your parents love me but you hate me
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
