hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Your cock deserves a montage
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
