Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
