Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
