my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
