I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Randomize
