I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
