i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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