apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
