Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
