her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
