my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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