You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
