There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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