I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
