You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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