90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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