Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
