My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
