You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
