I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
My vagina just recognized that song.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
