They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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