You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
