arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize