That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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