morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Randomize
