So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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