Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
