Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
That's when you crack a 10am beer
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
