I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
