Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
