she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
he was CRYING into my vagina
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
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