He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Is Oprah even human
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
