How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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