oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
