Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
