he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
