How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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