I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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