how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Randomize
