Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
