I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
