i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
