yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
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