**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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