i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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