Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
