I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
