So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
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