Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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